Introverted or Shy?

Many times, being an introvert is confused with being shy. The two are in fact very different ideas, however, many people do possess both traits.

In general, I usually hear shyness described as a sort of social anxiety- a shy person avoids interaction because they are afraid (of being judged or embarrassing themselves, maybe). Someone who is simply introverted does not necessarily have that anxiety. If they avoid social interaction, it is usually because they do not want it and do not like too much of it. Of course, many people have both traits. And some people who are shy might actually crave interaction with others more than a plain-old introvert does- but their fear holds them back.

But my question is this- can society's general lack of acceptance for introversion cause some people to exhibit "shy" qualities, like anxiety or an outward lack of confidence? I can't speak on this issue for anyone except myself, but I do think this has been an issue for me personally.

For most of my life, I have been labeled as "shy" by others. I never had more than a few friends at any one time, didn't like talking to strangers, tended to be very quiet in group settings and never went to parties. And for many years, I got the feeling that there was something wrong with me because I did all of these things. People who don't have very many friends are weird, right? If you don't like partying, that MUST mean you just don't know how to have fun, right? Don't speak up much in class? Aww, you should be more confident! All my life, I've been hearing things like "You need to come out of your shell more," or "Speak up, no one will judge you here!" and "Don't be so shy!" or "You don't appear assertive enough!".

Happy Memorial Day!

Sorry for all of the shorter posts lately; I am going to start writing more next week. But in the mean time, I'd like us to remember for a minute the point of this holiday- to recognize our veterans past and present. I'd also  like to share one of my favorite songs which I think is appropriate to this occasion. It's called "Soldiers", by my favorite band, ABBA:

Enjoy! Happy Memorial Day to all:)

-The Introvert

TED Talk With Susan Cain.

Some of you have probably already seen this, but in case you haven't, I highly recommend that you watch it. It is a TED Talk by Susan Cain, who is a writer and a major introvert advocate:)

Here is the link: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

This 20-ish minute video was already so inspiring to me. I can't wait to go out and get her book- hope they have it at my school's library! I'm so glad there are people like her who are exposing the problems introverts face in our culture.

xoxo, The Introvert

My Irrational Fear of Unexpectedly Running into Someone I Know in a Public Place.

If you have ever hidden behind a shelf in a store to avoid being seen by someone you know, then you and I have something very much in common.

I can't exactly explain why I have this crazy paranoia about running into people I know from school or wherever else in a public place. All I know is that wherever I am at the grocery store or at Target, or at Barnes and Noble (all places where I have had encounters), I am constantly checking over my shoulder for someone I recognize. Orlando is a large city, but obviously not large enough for me, considering the amount of times this has actually happened. Friends, acquaintances, classmates, teachers (!), a guy I had a crush on, you name it.

Usually, I try to hid from them and pray they don't spot me. Sometimes, if it is someone I don't know that well, we will both mutually do the thing where we pretend not to see each other. I appreciate people who do that. My family makes so much fun of me whenever I tell them stories about ducking behind a bookshelf in order to keep from being spotted. For a long time, I didn't really know why my first instinct was always to run, but over the years, I've started to figure it out.

I think in general, it has to do with my introversion. As an introvert, I need more time to process and prepare for things, especially social interactions. I don't like being caught off-guard! If I am going to class or going to hang out with friends, I have time to mentally ready myself for the interactions. I always feel as if I would have nothing to say to someone if I ran into them by accident, and indeed, I don't think I would. This may sound rude to some people, but to me, it just fits into my general belief that I do not need to talk if I have nothing to talk about! It is really fairly simple.

But of course, the paranoid in me keeps me anxious whenever I go out in public. Over winter break, I happened to run into an ex-friend (the one I wrote about here) at a restaurant. So the other day when I heard she was back in town for summer, my first thought was, "Whelp, can't leave my house for three months!"

Just kidding, of course.

Kind of.

See you soon,
The Introvert

An Introvert's Diary Pinterest Board.

Hello all,

I have been on Pinterest for a while now, and I have just created a board for pins that should be pretty relatable for fellow introverts! I will be adding to it often, so click here to follow it. I try to follow back a lot of people on Pinterest as well!:)

Enjoy,

The Introvert

You Only Live Once- So Don't Take It For Granted.

*As I was going through some of my old writings recently, I came across this essay I had written a few years ago after hearing about the death of someone I went to high school with. I decided I wanted to publish it to this blog as well, since it is still a message that I think is important. I have changed his name for privacy reasons. Also, I have decided not to edit it or change it at all from the way I originally wrote it, although my writing has improved since then, so that it would better retain the feelings I had at the time I first typed it out. *

Continue on to read it.

The Courage to Listen.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

I heard this quote (from the great Winston Churchill) the other day and I was really struck by it. People seem to forget about the second part of this idea nowadays. It is very easy to speak our minds these days, especially with the internet. But shutting up for a while and listening to other points of view is actually the much harder thing to do, in my opinion. I think that every one of us needs to learn to be good at both.

Until next time,

The Introvert

You are who you hang out with.

So... I've had a spot of trouble this week involving an old friend. She is someone I have known for a long time, and she hasn't always been good to me. I had considered us to be on good terms recently, however, since we live in different cities now and I had only been seeing her once or twice a year.

However, several months back, I had came to this realization that I didn't want to see her anymore. It occurred to me that even the short visits we have nowadays are not remotely enjoyable to me, and in fact, usually leave me feeling emotionally drained and very insecure- she is that sort of person who, without even meaning to, maybe- likes to make others feel bad about themselves. In the past, I was an easy target. I couldn't stand up for myself, and I was so desperate for friends that I would just take what I could get. She definitely exploited this quality in me. I know that deep down, her actions just stem from her own lack of self-esteem. She needs help, sure, but I am not the one to give it to her. My trying to keep up this relationship is not helping her, and it was certainly not helping me.

So this brings me back to today. She is back in my city for summer break now, and keeps asking me if I want to hang out. In the past, I would have thought, "yeah, sure, why not? I am stronger now, and I won't let her old tricks get to me like they used to" (even though they always do, no matter how much I think I've changed), but now, I just don't see the point. I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't believe I necessarily owe everyone something- if I don't like being around a person and I am not forced to be around them, then hanging out with them seems like a waste of my time- as well as theirs. I don't have to be rude to her about it. I can just politely decline her invitations. I don't have to tell her that I never want to see her again (as true as that may in fact be). She may get suspicious after the tenth or so time when I tell her I am busy, but it is a personal conviction of mine to stop having to justify how I choose to spend my free time. After all, we are all living our own lives, and although it is wise to worry about what others think to a small degree, life is wayyy too short to get caught up on the little things that won't matter many years from now. I think volunteering to spend my time with a person who makes me miserable would be a bigger regret than the slight sense of guilty selfishness I feel now!

Till next time,

The Introvert

Welcome!

Hello there and welcome to this little blog-project of mine. I have no idea what this is going to be like, so I can't really tell you what to expect from these writings. I think on my part, my only requirement is that  I must write what I really feel. If people like that and it finds an audience, great. If not, that is fine too. I think the act of writing in and of itself is cathartic, even if no one reads it. The only reason I have decided to write publicly, instead of in a journal, is on the off chance that something I say could be relatable or inspiring to someone who happens to pass through. But if not, that is perfectly alright too.

I think having a blog might also help motivate me to write more, as well. I feel an obligation to write if I have a blog. This is good, because although I love writing, I usually tend to be lazy and not do it because it requires something like actual thought.

With regards to the content of the blog, I know that the first rule for getting noticed on the internet is to be different, and to have a specialty- one thing you do really, really well. However, when it comes to what I want to talk about, I expect that my writings will reflect how I am in many areas of my life- scattered, all over the place, constantly changing directions and discovering new passions. If this means that people do not want to read my blog because they don't know what to expect, than so be it. I wouldn't begrudge anyone that. But if you are here, and you do read this, I honesty thank you from the bottom of my heart. No matter what subject matter I post about, I want you to be assured that I consider this to be a safe and positive space. I don't like being hateful and I don't want to be associated with anything hateful. All are welcome here and I hope we can spread our love of things together.

See you soon,
The Introvert