So... I've had a spot of trouble this week involving an old friend. She is someone I have known for a long time, and she hasn't always been good to me. I had considered us to be on good terms recently, however, since we live in different cities now and I had only been seeing her once or twice a year.
However, several months back, I had came to this realization that I didn't want to see her anymore. It occurred to me that even the short visits we have nowadays are not remotely enjoyable to me, and in fact, usually leave me feeling emotionally drained and very insecure- she is that sort of person who, without even meaning to, maybe- likes to make others feel bad about themselves. In the past, I was an easy target. I couldn't stand up for myself, and I was so desperate for friends that I would just take what I could get. She definitely exploited this quality in me. I know that deep down, her actions just stem from her own lack of self-esteem. She needs help, sure, but I am not the one to give it to her. My trying to keep up this relationship is not helping her, and it was certainly not helping me.
So this brings me back to today. She is back in my city for summer break now, and keeps asking me if I want to hang out. In the past, I would have thought, "yeah, sure, why not? I am stronger now, and I won't let her old tricks get to me like they used to" (even though they always do, no matter how much I think I've changed), but now, I just don't see the point. I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't believe I necessarily owe everyone something- if I don't like being around a person and I am not forced to be around them, then hanging out with them seems like a waste of my time- as well as theirs. I don't have to be rude to her about it. I can just politely decline her invitations. I don't have to tell her that I never want to see her again (as true as that may in fact be). She may get suspicious after the tenth or so time when I tell her I am busy, but it is a personal conviction of mine to stop having to justify how I choose to spend my free time. After all, we are all living our own lives, and although it is wise to worry about what others think to a small degree, life is wayyy too short to get caught up on the little things that won't matter many years from now. I think volunteering to spend my time with a person who makes me miserable would be a bigger regret than the slight sense of guilty selfishness I feel now!
Till next time,
The Introvert
However, several months back, I had came to this realization that I didn't want to see her anymore. It occurred to me that even the short visits we have nowadays are not remotely enjoyable to me, and in fact, usually leave me feeling emotionally drained and very insecure- she is that sort of person who, without even meaning to, maybe- likes to make others feel bad about themselves. In the past, I was an easy target. I couldn't stand up for myself, and I was so desperate for friends that I would just take what I could get. She definitely exploited this quality in me. I know that deep down, her actions just stem from her own lack of self-esteem. She needs help, sure, but I am not the one to give it to her. My trying to keep up this relationship is not helping her, and it was certainly not helping me.
So this brings me back to today. She is back in my city for summer break now, and keeps asking me if I want to hang out. In the past, I would have thought, "yeah, sure, why not? I am stronger now, and I won't let her old tricks get to me like they used to" (even though they always do, no matter how much I think I've changed), but now, I just don't see the point. I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't believe I necessarily owe everyone something- if I don't like being around a person and I am not forced to be around them, then hanging out with them seems like a waste of my time- as well as theirs. I don't have to be rude to her about it. I can just politely decline her invitations. I don't have to tell her that I never want to see her again (as true as that may in fact be). She may get suspicious after the tenth or so time when I tell her I am busy, but it is a personal conviction of mine to stop having to justify how I choose to spend my free time. After all, we are all living our own lives, and although it is wise to worry about what others think to a small degree, life is wayyy too short to get caught up on the little things that won't matter many years from now. I think volunteering to spend my time with a person who makes me miserable would be a bigger regret than the slight sense of guilty selfishness I feel now!
Till next time,
The Introvert
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